so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
