I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
