We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
