So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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