ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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