he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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