I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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