You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
