she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
