I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
