Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize