There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
