with your own penis?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
