I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This house was built for laser tag.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
