he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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