You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
