the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
