Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
