My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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