I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize