He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
