Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
