I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
