he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
