There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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