I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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