toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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