I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you didnt know i had herpes?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize