Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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