I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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