Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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