I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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