Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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