I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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