fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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