The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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