I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
