my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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