just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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