I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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