he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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