So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
