Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He better not be in your backpack
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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