Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
