Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
