Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
