maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
