just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
