Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
