Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
