i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
