I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
