The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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