he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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