I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
