its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize