Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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