Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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