I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
