we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
