Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's Friday. Sex?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
