did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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