going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
