Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
