I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
