I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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