Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
