***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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