ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
