I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
