If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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