Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
