So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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