One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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