I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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