I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
