Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
