The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
