I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
